My cat just walked over my keyboard. He also opened iTunes, and when the icon starting jumping up and down he tried to eat it.
Well that was a nice intro.
ANYway, Christmas is coming! YAY!!!!!!!! I desperately need the break from school, even if I have two projects to do and three tests to study for during our time "off." Haha, yeah right. Teachers take the break as an opportunity to load us with crap.
Sorry. I didn't mean to go all rant-in-a-Scrooge-like-fashion on you.
Christmas is freakin' awesome. Snow, presents, family, friends.... Christmastime is the best time, if ya know what I'm sayin'. It's also a great time for memories to be made. Like this one:
Over the years, I have gathered up a nice collection of Christmas catastrophes, conundrums, cackling and cadavers.
Just kidding on the cadaver part.
Maybe.
ANYway, here are some of my Christmas misadventures:
Misadventure #1: Christmas Queasiness
A few years back, my family decided to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve. It was a harmless decision, really. Until my parents decided to reunite my sister with the sweet potato fry. When she was, like, two, we established that she was extremely allergic to sweet potatoes. But of course my parents decided Christmas Eve was the best possible time to see if sweet potatoes still caused an unpleasant reaction. Good thinking, Mom.
Well, nothing happened immediately. Maybe it was a Christmas miracle. We thought we were good. And then...
Let's just say that night wasn't all that fun. Two hours after the offending sweet potato was consumed, my parents spent their evening taking care of Erin, who was spewing from both ends, if ya know what I'm sayin'. The three of them stayed up so late, I don't even know when Santa had time to stop by!
Misadventure #2: Christmas Cackling
Believe it or not, this Christmas eve was spent at the exact same restaurant. Yeah, my family kind of has a history with the place. This time, though, the incident involved me, not my sister.
It all began with milk. I know what you're thinking: Well, of COURSE it started with milk; milk is the evilest stuff out there! Well, you're right.
I was drinking milk, and my dad was telling a joke. A really funny one. So I laughed. With the milk in my mouth. Well, it wasn't in there for long. My giggle sent the milk spewing across the table and into my dad's face. To make matters worse, the waitress had been walking up to our table and saw the whole thing. She told us she'd come back later.
Misadventure #3: Christmas Cookies
In sixth grade, my friend Pauline and I co-hosted a cookie-decorating party, which is still talked about to this day.
During the actual cookie party, my sister crawled around in a box, secretly taking pictures of us. Okay, that came out a LOT creepier than it actually was. It was really one of the adorablest things ever. One of my friends kind of got freaked out when they saw the box moving, though. I mean, I would be too if I saw a harmless box by the couch one minute and behind my chair the next.
Just sayin'.
 |
| Like seriously bro. Image courtesy of Meme Generator |
Sorry. I didn't mean to go all rant-in-a-Scrooge-like-fashion on you.
Christmas is freakin' awesome. Snow, presents, family, friends.... Christmastime is the best time, if ya know what I'm sayin'. It's also a great time for memories to be made. Like this one:
 |
| Indeed, that is a 6-pound container of Red Vines. I think that more than justifies my sister's face. |
Over the years, I have gathered up a nice collection of Christmas catastrophes, conundrums, cackling and cadavers.
Just kidding on the cadaver part.
Maybe.
ANYway, here are some of my Christmas misadventures:
Misadventure #1: Christmas Queasiness
A few years back, my family decided to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve. It was a harmless decision, really. Until my parents decided to reunite my sister with the sweet potato fry. When she was, like, two, we established that she was extremely allergic to sweet potatoes. But of course my parents decided Christmas Eve was the best possible time to see if sweet potatoes still caused an unpleasant reaction. Good thinking, Mom.
Well, nothing happened immediately. Maybe it was a Christmas miracle. We thought we were good. And then...
Let's just say that night wasn't all that fun. Two hours after the offending sweet potato was consumed, my parents spent their evening taking care of Erin, who was spewing from both ends, if ya know what I'm sayin'. The three of them stayed up so late, I don't even know when Santa had time to stop by!
Misadventure #2: Christmas Cackling
Believe it or not, this Christmas eve was spent at the exact same restaurant. Yeah, my family kind of has a history with the place. This time, though, the incident involved me, not my sister.
It all began with milk. I know what you're thinking: Well, of COURSE it started with milk; milk is the evilest stuff out there! Well, you're right.
I was drinking milk, and my dad was telling a joke. A really funny one. So I laughed. With the milk in my mouth. Well, it wasn't in there for long. My giggle sent the milk spewing across the table and into my dad's face. To make matters worse, the waitress had been walking up to our table and saw the whole thing. She told us she'd come back later.
 |
| Image courtesy of Blog.Cachinko.com |
Misadventure #3: Christmas Cookies
In sixth grade, my friend Pauline and I co-hosted a cookie-decorating party, which is still talked about to this day.
During the actual cookie party, my sister crawled around in a box, secretly taking pictures of us. Okay, that came out a LOT creepier than it actually was. It was really one of the adorablest things ever. One of my friends kind of got freaked out when they saw the box moving, though. I mean, I would be too if I saw a harmless box by the couch one minute and behind my chair the next.
After that, the star of the show was Molly. She stole one of my stuffed penguins (yes, I have multiple), and every time someone tried to take it away from her, she screamed. Really. Loudly. I have this great picture of her screaming with a possessed look on her face, but she didn’t let me show it you guys. I know, how dare she, right? I can't believe she put society's acceptance of her before your entertainment. ;)
 |
| Here is a normal picture of us. I don't know how my mom got us to stay calm long enough for her to take the picture. |
Misadventure #4: Christmas Consuming
This actually happened yesterday. We were planning on making cookies after school, so my mom had set out four bars of butter to soften. When I got home from school and my mom got home from work, there were only three bars laying on the counter. The Case of the Missing Butter ensued.
Marlie, my dog, has never counter surfed in her life, so we ruled that one out pretty quickly. When we asked my grandpa when happened to the butter, he told us he didn't do anything, he just built a tower with them. (Building towers runs in our family. I'm a tower-building ninja myself.)
My mom was all like, "Do you think the tower could have fallen and landed on the floor?" *superior eyebrow raise*
My grandpa got all defensive and was like "Of course not!" My mom then had him demonstrate knocking the butter tower over, and whaddya know, a stick of butter landed on the floor.
Plot twist: My grandpa was like, "Oh, wait, I actually remember seeing the butter earlier..." He proceeds to then pick up half the wrapping off the floor next to the dog's bed.
Nice job, Grandpa. Nice. Job.
Marlie spent the afternoon drowsily laying on the floor. We think my cat was part of the conspiracy too since he wasn't all that lively either.
We are currently living in fear of a diarrhea bomb. So far, so good, but we never know when the peace will end.
So pretty much, Christmas can create problems for you.
Just sayin'.
Also, I just needed to share my most recent obsessions with you. I found these two blogs, Awkwardly Awkward and What Nobody Needs to Know... (But I Still Share). I'm currently working my way through every. Single. Post. like I did with Hyperbole and a Half. If you're wondering what funny is, since you're probably not finding it here, then you should get obsessed with these blogs too.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D
UPDATE: There was also that time last year when my mom accidentally slammed the huge jug of wine into the counter...
UPDATE: Today is Christmas Eve day, and I wanted to paint my nails Christmas colors. When I was picking the colors I wanted out of the box, I accidentally dropped one into the sink, where it broke. I forgot to take a picture of the sink, but here are some pictures of my hands:
I fail at Christmas, guys.UPDATE: There was also that time last year when my mom accidentally slammed the huge jug of wine into the counter...
UPDATE: Today is Christmas Eve day, and I wanted to paint my nails Christmas colors. When I was picking the colors I wanted out of the box, I accidentally dropped one into the sink, where it broke. I forgot to take a picture of the sink, but here are some pictures of my hands:
 |
| Let's just say I won't be painting my nails anytime soon. |
Just sayin'.
No comments:
Post a Comment