The Many Fails of Me

If you know me, you know how I fail at a lot of things.  If you don't know me, then you're about to.  I'm clumsy, I'm socially awkward, I'm weird, I'm nerdy, and I just have these what-the-heck moments.  Here is a list of things I am bad at or have embarrassed myself by doing so you can laugh at me.  You're welcome.


1. Acting.  In sixth grade, I took theater because I didn't want to play an instrument.  I won't take another acting class if you pay me a million bucks.  I am so awkward, and then I think it's awkward, which makes it awkward.  It's a big circle of awkward.

2. That one time. On the first day of sixth grade, my friend Pauline and I were on the playground.  We wanted to try out the spinny thing.  Since it was the first year having the playground, basically the whole school was out there in line for it.  When it was our turn, we got dizzy.  I never get dizzy, but this time my body wanted to make things difficult for me.  When we got off, I was so dizzy that I ran into a pole and fell over, and then Pauline ran into me and fell over too.  Way to make an impression.

3. My face.  It's either very, very white or very, very red.  There's no in between.  NO TAN FOR YOU.

4. Singing.  I would kill to have a good voice.  It would make me belting out random songs much more enjoyable.  And socially acceptable.

5. Drinking milk.  I talked about this in a past post.  I was drinking milk, my dad said something funny, I laughed, and the I spewed the milk all over his face.  And the waitress was watching.

6. Germany.  What do you expect when you go to a country where you have to speak your second language?  Unfortunately, most of my problems didn't actually come from the language barrier thing.  There was this one time that I didn't notice my chair was missing and did a big squat in the middle the classroom.  My reaction was to put my hands on my head, which made it even worse.  Then there was this time when I didn't know how the bus system worked, so I asked the bus driver if I could get change.  And another time on the bus when I didn't know there was a button you could press to reopen the doors once they closed, so when the doors closed after my stop I walked back to my seat, oblivious to the many people shouting that there is a button to press.  I'll stop there for the sake of self-preservation.

7. My locker.  A few weeks ago, I bent down to open my locker, turned the combination, and promptly whacked my head with the door.  This is why I hate bottom lockers.

8. Talking to people.  If you know me, you know that I have issues.  I think so hard about what I'm going to say that my opportunity to say something passes.  And I suddenly realize the perfect thing to say three hours after the conversation.  And I stutter.  Yay.

Story of my life.  Image courtesy of memegenerator.net

10. That other time.  A few days ago, I decided it would be a good idea to put an ice cube in my mouth.  It got stuck to my mouth in three places.

11. Just a second ago.  I skipped number nine.  But it's okay, because you didn't notice, did you? :)

So.  Those are some of the times that I have embarrassed myself, failed miserably at something, or (even better) both.  Yay?  I am a very... experienced person, to put it nicely.

Just sayin'.