That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport and your abs of steel set them off

I have a love-hate relationship with the gym.  I mean, on one hand it's this really awesome way to get healthy and all that.  But on the other hand it's an evil torture place.  So here are some things I think while I'm at the wonderful place called the gym.  I hope I'm not alone.


Me: It would be bad if I tripped and the treadmill dumped me on the floor.

Me: I don't really know what I want to do for my workout.  I think I'll walk around the gym and stare at every piece of exercise equipment until I get a brilliant idea.

<Walks up to machine>
<Weight is set to 100 pounds>
<Moves weight to 20 pounds>
Me: Well then.

Me: There's no way the person who was here last lifted 150 pounds.  They're lying.

Me: That guy looks like a rat.

Me: OH MY GOD I KNOW THEM.
<Hides>

ME: OH MY GOD IT'S A TEACHER.
<Hides>

Me: Ow.

Me: Ow.

Me: OH MY GOD I WANT TO DIE.

Me: 5 miles?  No problem!
(5 minutes later)
Me: 1 mile's okay too, right?

Me: It's probably okay if I just do 5 minutes less...  No.  DO IT, JULIA, DO IT!

Me:

Gif courtesy of Mashable

Me: Why is everyone else lifting insanely huge weights?  What's wrong with me?

Me: I'm so buff.

Me: I'm so weak.

Me: My shoes are so cool.

Me: I'm just going to discretely move the weight up 10 or 20 pounds after I'm done...

Me: I will never understand why someone would go around the track with their kid in a stroller.

<Sees someone else doing an unfamiliar exercise.>
Me: Ooh, that looks cool.  I'll try that.
<Tries>
Me: Nope.

Me:

Gif courtesy of Mashable

Me: Who invented working out?  Like, what?

Me: Why is there even a 200 pound weight on this machine?  Talk about self-confidence crusher.

Me: I don't know what to do now.  I think I'll stand around and make everyone think I'm just here to watch them.

Me: The world is spinning.

Me: I feel so judged.

The gym is a place to get fit and make yourself feel good afterwards, but mostly it is a place of torture, judgement and self-confidence checks.

Just sayin'.