Dear [Insert Object Here]

Purple orangutans.  Sorry, I have a problem with starting blog posts.  Here are things that I feel the need to tell certain human beings and inanimate objects, not necessarily in that order.  So:


Dear Laptop,
If you freeze one more time I will throw you out the window.

Dear Bed,
Whatever magic you're working on me, it needs to stop.  I'm tired in the mornings and can't fall asleep at night.  That's not how it's supposed to work.

Dear Closet,
Can you magically refill with cute clothes?  That would be great.

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Dear Tests,
We spend a lot of quality time together.  Why don't I know you better?

Dear Brain,
Please start working today.

Dear Mouth,
Please start cooperating with brain.

Dear Hyperbole and a Half,
Please please please please PLEASE post again.  I'm going to shrivel up and die if I don't read another hilarious story about cake.  Or dinosaurs.  Or crayons.

Dear Pandora,
Thank you for giving me a working knowledge of the music people listen to, so that every time a song comes on I'm not that person who always asks what the song is called or who sings it.

Dear Teachers,
WHY.

Dear People on Facebook,
There are two types of 'your.'  'Your' is possessive, as in "I am so jealous of your pink donkey!"  'You're' means 'you are.'  'You're' is feeling very left out, so you should use it more often.

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Dear Veronica Roth,
You are an evil, cruel murderer of teenage girls' souls.  But also I love you.

Dear Summer,
Where the heck are you??  Why are you not here yet?


Dear Alarm Clock,
I hate you.  That's all I have to say.

Dear Ashley,

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Dear Cafeteria Food,
What ARE you?

Dear Mom,
You're not nearly as funny as you think you are.

Sometimes, you just need to get a point across.

Just sayin'.